-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hardtuck -*- Copyright 2006 by Ellen Hayes. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes. This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country. All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights. Hardtuck *** 17:42 27 Oct It was cold outside, but at least nobody was yelling at anyone else. Especially about me. *** 17:53 27 Oct *Damn it's cold.* I blew my nose some more and hoped the fucker would stop oozing, before it froze. The back door opened and I winced and locked in a gasp, because my body tightened up instantly. "Valerie?" Miz Parker said. "Please come back inside." I sighed, which restarted my breathing, and levered my way upright and walked back in. The heat inside the house was almost painful, and I had to sneeze a couple of times, which hurt like a motherfucker. Luckily I still had a wad of kleenex in my hand to catch it. Then I wiped my face, sighed, and went to get some more. Miz Parker didn't say anything. *** 17:57 27 Oct "Valerie?" I was really getting tired of hearing that name in that voice, in that tone. "Yes?" I said, trying for congeniality. Miz Parker didn't pitch a bitch, so I guess it worked. "I didn't mean to make you upset," she said carefully. "S'okay," I waved off. "It's better if I don't talk about it." Which was undoubtedly the reason everyone wanted to talk to me about it. Sheila hadn't, two days ago, but she was three weeks behind everyone else. "Um... Did you need to take some medicine?" "Huh?" I checked my watch. "Oh, yeah. Thanks." *Life can always get worse.* *** 18:09 27 Oct Miz Parker had disappeared with Stella while I was poisoning myself, and Ricky reappeared, looking worried at me. And Ruffles or whatever, who looked at me like he was saying, 'Please, have some mercy, wouldya?' Then he made a Noise. Then he made another one. "Shut UP!" Ricky gasped, his hands over his ears. "Pet him," I suggested as I staggered to the stove, speared a chunk of beef with the knife and rinsed it under the tap to cool it off. When I could touch it, I pulled it off the knife and tossed it in front of Russel's nose. He almost appeared hopeful for a moment as he engulfed the morsel, then slobbered around on the floor looking for another one and utterly grossing out Ricky. I wasn't pleased either. "Ricky, get off the table, it won't hurt you, it's just slimy. Off!" I realized I was going to have to clean it up, and sighed. Then 'my' phone rang in the kitchen. "Aw man!" "I can get it!" Ricky offered. "No! I'll get it." The phone rang a second time. "And get off the table!" I wanted to kick something. Instead, I glanced over the food - no action required - and then went to answer the phone, going very wide of the patch of dog spit. It looked like Mike's cellphone again. "Hello?" Pause. "Mike?" "Yeah..." He sounded bad. Now I REALLY wanted to kick something. "Kim broke up with me just now." "What?" Now I knew who to kick. "Cancel. I can be there in about..." I checked my watch. "It'll wait," he said, sounding drained and very tired. "I just..." When he didn't say anything else, I said, "I think I can be out by nineteen hundred. Your place?" "Yours?" "Okay, a- Oh, shit, I gotta change first. Meet me at Rachel's? Or you could come here." "No, your place at, uh... whenever." He needed me, and there was no way I could speed things up. "Mike, do you want to meet me here or something? Are you gonna be okay?" "Yeah... I just... need someone, to talk to... sometime tonight," he said, firming up momentarily. I rubbed my forehead. "I can be at my house by nineteen thirty. Um, Sabrina'll be showing up around twenty, is that a problem? She wants to see me a lot of the time..." "No..." he lapsed again. "'Kay, man, I'll be there nineteen thirty. My room's unlocked," I remembered. *** 18:22 27 Oct "Oh, hey," I said to Mister Parker, and smiled. "You look busy," he said. "Yeah, Mike- you met him," I remembered, and he nodded. I turned my attention back to the cutting board and the knife in my hand. "His girlfriend broke up with him today, and it sounded really bad, so I gotta get out of here a little early tonight." "Oh," he said, frowning. "I've got dinner- well, some of it's still cooking, but all you have to do is wait until the timer goes off and serve it," I pointed at the mechanical kitchen timer I'd excavated from a drawer today, which was ticking steadily, "and I'm working on the salad right now. Ricky set the table already," bless the little wart. "And, uh..." *Maybe I could paint the dog's name on his sides.* "The dog, he's gone out, and he didn't make a mess in the kitchen when we got home. I mean, before that, before we got home. Oh, and Stella might be scared of the dog." He looked a bit astonished. "Okay," he said. "Ask Miz Parker about the dog-Stella interaction, she could tell you about that," I suggested as I turned back to chopping veggies. I was gonna miss this salad, but there would be other salads, and I didn't have time to eat anyway. *** 18:52 27 Oct "Damn it's cold," I mentioned to myself. It wasn't nearly as cold as it was going to get, either, but it was cold enough right now, especially since I wasn't used to it. There'd be frost by morning, if we didn't get some more rain... and it didn't look like we would, really. "Come on, come on..." Traffic lights always took longer when you were in a hurry. *** 20:19 27 Oct "Shit." "Yeah..." I'd swiped a couple of decent beers from our fridge - it seemed the thing to do - and we'd dodged Sabrina and left the house. I had to leave a log entry about where I was going, at least, so I did, but I added a comment field DO NOT DISTURB, which might work on my dad. Mike had told me what happened, which did not make much sense. I agreed with his belated supposition that Kim had been avoiding him and everyone else for a few days to work herself up to it; neither of us could really figure out why she'd broken up with him, and Kim had become incoherent when Mike asked. He hadn't bothered trying to force her to explain. I figured it was possible, but it'd take a while and a few felonies; I didn't say this to Mike. There wasn't much I could do, though. Except be with him. "Shit," Mike sighed. *** 21:02 27 Oct "Tuck?" Sabrina called from the front of my house. *Shit, I KNEW we should've left...* I looked at Mike, to see what he wanted to do. "I don't want to talk to 'em," Mike said quietly. "You go." I carefully leaned up to his ear, trying not to move in ways that would make me scream in pain and give our location away, and quietly said, "I don't have to. They'll go away eventually." Pause. Sabrina called again, "Tucker?" *Maybe. No, it's too cold to be hanging around too long,* I thought. I hoped. "Naw... go talk to her a little. 'M okay," he lied. I thought about it, then clapped him on the shoulder and went to get rid of Sabrina. I had to go the long way, because I couldn't make it over the fence with the injuries I had and it was way too dark to see the combo lock. When I found her, she was standing on the front lawn, looking around like she was prepared to wait until I showed up. "What?" I asked. "V'Tuck! I just wondered what had happened to you," she said as she turned to face me. "Um..." Mike hadn't said I should tell her, and it was too cold to be bullshitting her about anything I might be doing outside, like stargazing or something. "Did something happen with Kim and Mike today?" she asked. "Uh... not that I know of." She just gave me a look. "What did you hear?" I asked. She continued the look long past the point at which she knew I knew she knew I was lying, then said, "I dunno, but Kim said she had to talk to Mike after school sometime today. And she had that kind of breakup look." "That what?" This was new. She shook her head. "Sometimes you can tell when it's going to happen... not like I could ever tell when it was going to happen to ME," she grumbled. "Anyway, look..." She looked away, at one of the trees; I did too, but couldn't see anything interesting, so I looked back at her. "I don't... I mean, he's more- Mike, he's more your friend than he is mine, but... just because Kim broke up with him, I mean, I don't... I don't hate him or anything. If Kim had been, like, mistreated or-" "Not Mike!" "Shut UP, I KNOW that," she said semi-patiently. "She'd have said something, not been all quiet about it. So..." "So it's not something Mike did?" "You ARE talking to him!" she triumphed. "I didn't say I was; YOU said 'breakup'." Her eyes narrowed. "You were saying, about Mike?" She gave it up and sighed, and looked away again. "Just... whatever it is, it's..." She stopped and thought for a while. "I guess, what I meant to say is, Mike is still my friend, even if Kim broke up with him, okay? And IF you see him," she said ironically, "Tell him that. Pam too, and Amanda; I talked to them today after school, 'cause, y'know, I was afraid this was going to happen." "Okay." "And you've got a BUTTload of homework; your dad said to put it on the dining room table and you'd get it tonight." I'd better get it before I would be allowed to sleep, Dad meant; Mom had her share of derangements, and a clear dining room table was one of them. "Aw man..." I sighed. For a moment it was tempting to dump school entirely, and take the homeschooling option my parents and other people had hinted at, but I made a morale check and recovered. "And, uh, Jill's having- I think she might've left voicemail but you never answer it; she may need a ride after her work tomorrow, eight o'clock; she's trying to avoid Kim for a while. She wanted to ask you if you could do it. Pick her up after work, I mean." "Sounds like Kim's having a problem," I said. "Yeah- Oh! Hell, I almost forgot. Debbie wanted-" I felt a bit weak in the knees at the mention of the name, but made this morale check too. "-to know if you could DJ and stuff at a party?" "Uh... What?" "She said she can get access to the school GYM, Saturday night. Halloween's Friday, and so's the official school dance, but she said she could get it SATURDAY..." Sabrina shook her head at this. "I dunno, maybe she hypnotized the entire school administration?" I hoped not; that much power shouldn't reside in any single human except me and Mike. And maybe not me. "Anyway, she said, um, she'd pay you to DJ like you did at that thing at Kim's last year." "How much?" "Ten an hour, she said," she said. "Four or five hours." "Nnnnh." And I NEEDED money. "The gym? How are we not going to be all arrested?" She shrugged. "I dunno, and I'm gonna check into it before I show up - like this week - but, y'know, if anyone..." If anyone could get the gym opened up for a non-official party, it would be Debbie. I had to nod agreement. "She said to ask you, since I'd be- Damn, I need to start making lists or something," she said as she started digging in her purse. Finally she unearthed an envelope and handed it to me. "Pay for this week," she said. "Or last week?" She shrugged like she didn't care, which I supposed she didn't. "And that's the news," she announced, and we both laughed a little. "You doing okay?" she asked, as she reached out and touched my arm. "Yeah," I said, not wanting to check. "Thanks, I mean, a lot, for the update. Updates." She nodded at me. "Well, sleep well, okay?" "You too..." I wondered if she wanted a hug, but she turned and walked to her car. She looked back and waved before she got in, though. *** 21:11 27 Oct "Mike? She's gone..." "Let's go inside," he said, which I didn't want to argue with. *** 21:17 27 Oct He'd listened to the news with some appearance of paying attention, as we came in and got my homework - way too much; I think they didn't want me to come back - and trudged up the stairs to my room, but when I got done, he just sighed and stared at the wall without saying anything. I hesitantly sat next to him and put an arm over his shoulder, hoping that this wouldn't piss him off. I was completely stunned when, after sitting for a while, he tensed up and flinched, and then turned, grabbed me, and started to weep. It was all I could do to turn to match him, and put both my arms around him. *Shit... he's never done this...* I was almost paralyzed; the only reason I didn't have a panic myself is that I remembered some of the last week, with me and Mike and me and Ricky. Which is why I didn't say anything; it didn't help. It never helped. *** 21:50 27 Oct "So, I mean, what do I do? With, like, the game and all?" This was a new problem; he'd never dated one of his players before. I said, "Well, you could throw her out... she might not want to play, too. Either." "What if she does?" I closed my eyes to think, but it was obvious. "Don't treat her any differently- I mean, be the gamemaster. Impartial, objective... Hold it in and save it for later." "Save WHAT for later?!" "All of it," I said, and clutched my hands in front of my sternum. "Just hold it in," I repeated. He stared at me, or my hands, for a while; he looked like hell, with his face reddened and swollen, especially his eyes. Then he snorted, "Shit," and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Yeah, well..." It was. "Shit." *** 02:00 28 Oct "Oh, shit," I moaned. "Bee-bee-beep!" "Fuck OFF!" I hissed. "Bee-bee-beep!" *At least I won't have to do this again in two hours,* I told myself. It didn't help much. *** 06:00 28 Oct "Bee-bee-beep!" *Fuck OFF! Lemme'LONE!* I clamped pillows to my head and rolled over. Silent pause. Another silent pause. "Goddamnit," I snarled as I sat up to turn the MacAlarm off. "Bee-bee-beep!" *** 06:06 28 Oct It was not a HORRIBLE way to wake up, and not nearly so panic- inducing as a regular piezoelectric screamer, or having Susan or somebody hammer on my door. I just hated waking up. *I can fix THAT, hah,* I thought with satisfaction as I pulled the covers back up, rolled gently over, and pulled them the rest of the way over my head. It was cold out there. *** 08:00 28 Oct I'd forgotten about this part, but remembered instantly when the MacinClock started squealing again. *How many drugs can I get off of?* I wondered. "Bee-bee-beep!" *** 08:19 28 Oct "Yeah, that's it," Doc Treble confirmed, while I flicked the mute switch and ran through my German obscenity vocabulary. "I- You need to keep up on ALL the rest," she emphasized, "at least for another three days." For some reason, she spoke a lot faster when she was 'at the office'. I unmuted myself and said, "Well, thanks anyway." "School tomorrow?" "If I can catch up on homework, yeah..." "Okay. Let me know if you need another day or two. How're you sleeping?" "Like a log, minus waking up for the bloody drugs," I answered. "Sleep some more. Sleep's good for you. Listen, I gotta go..." "'Kay, thanks, later." I hung up. "Damnit." Today I could stop the pain pills and the Valium. The pain pills kept me mellow - as in, 'not spazzed and activated all the time' - and the Valium let me sleep at night. I hadn't really had nightmares since I'd been on the damn things... that right there was sort of addictive. They were going to start up again, in SPADES, once I stopped taking Valium... and now I had a fresh set of nasty input to drive the generating algorithms. Several sets, actually. "Oh, fuck it. Fuck you," I said to the MacinClock as I sat down on my bed and inserted myself under the covers. It was cold in here. *** 10:08 28 Oct I sighed, and looked at my watch. *Today is Tuesday... want to- need to go back to school tomorrow,* I corrected. *Need homework... stretching.* I hadn't been doing that for a while. *** 10:11 28 Oct "-Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow done!" Fifty ows in each pose was enough for one day, I'd decided. My body treacherously tried to argue that it was too much, but it was whiny and pathetic, like all flesh. "Ohhhhhhhhh, ow ow ow ow..." *** 10:32 28 Oct *Homework... I can do some of it at the Parkers... if I'm still working there,* I remembered suddenly. *She'd have called- no, she doesn't have my number. Called... she'd have called Debbie. And, Debbie would've called here... Mike or Mom probably gave her my cellphone number, too, damnit.* No calls there I didn't remember. *Voicemail...* I switched to Arrakis and checked the call log; nothing from any number registered to Debbie. Or Miz Parker either. Several from other people, though... including Kim. "What- Oh." I decided not to talk to her for a while, to let things settle a bit. *Jill... wait, didn't Sabrina say something?* *** 10:35 28 Oct "Mike from Tuck. Tell Jill that YES repeat YES I CAN pick her up from work tonight. We can discuss, uh, chronic arrangements tonight. Tuck out," and I hung up. Chronic wasn't the right word, but it was all I could think of at the moment. But I did think of the log, so I entered a note in it about taking Jill home tonight. I sure as hell hoped the encryption was up to spec... *** 10:39 28 Oct I sighed, braced myself, and played the voicemail from Kim. "Hi..." Kim said, then apparently gave up trying to sound normal. "Look, I'm not breaking up with Mike because he's a bad person or anything. You know... we've talked about... about... me," she almost whispered, like she was ashamed of it. "I just... I just... Sorr-" and she'd hung up. "Well, that explains everything, not," I smarted off. "Fuck this..." I couldn't even deal with my own life at the moment. "Back to bed. The rest of you can drop dead." *** 12:00 28 Oct "Bedoop!" "FUCK you!" I complained as it played the five-note intro. *** 12:01 28 Oct "Bedoop!" "Goddamngohellfuckingsonabitchasswipeshitlicker..." Pause. "Bedoop!" I gingerly rolled over and glared at the screen until it coalesced and I could shut the damned thing off, then managed to push myself out of bed. A full bladder was a definite inducement. *** 12:06 28 Oct A thought I'd had whilst sitting on the pot, led me to check my email when I was done. However, there wasn't anything new in there either; especially not from Dad detailing anything about the Parkers' having called. *** 12:19 28 Oct "Hnnh." Mom had saved me a plate in the refrigerator... maybe two. Or maybe one was for Brian... no, they both had my name on Post-Its. "Oh God, she's not going to start monitoring my weight again, is she?" *** 12:21 28 Oct 110 pounds was WAY too damned emaciated. And I thought I might be rounding up, too. *** 12:23 28 Oct Well, at least it was decent food. And, almost certainly not poisoned. Mom wouldn't waste poison when she could do the same thing with her bare hands, and there was always a chance that my brother might eat it. *Though what if she wanted to kill HIM?* After a moment, I decided that this was far too subtle - shades of Sicilians and iocaine powder - and far too chancy also. So I had some more beef. Mom had gone for lots of meat, which was fine with me; I figured I needed the protein. *** 13:51 28 Oct "Hnnh? Oh. Damnit." My watch alarm was going off to tell me that I had to get the heck out of here and get to Rachel's so I could pick up Stella and Ricky. *Wait...* There was something else too. *** 13:59 28 Oct "Message passed," Mike had left on my voicemail, from his cellphone. "Pickup at twenty hundred. No other traffic. Mike out, clear." "Dude." That meant that Debbie, or anyone else Debbie was using for a messenger, hadn't told him that I was fired. He WOULD have remembered to relay THAT message. *** 14:26 28 Oct "Man, I gotta get some gas... what else?" Something involving the car, or driving, or... *Oh, right,* I remembered, finally. *I said I'd pick up Jill tonight at work.* That should be- *Where does she work again?* *Awwwwwww, damnit!* *** 15:06 28 Oct "Are you grounded any more?" Ricky asked. "N- Why?" For once, my brain had caught my mouth before I could say something stupid. Like 'no' without knowing why he wanted to know. "'Cause I wanted to know if you were trick-or-treating this year," he said. "M- Oh. No," I admitted. I'd decided that I wasn't even going to try it this year, because even if I had a decent idea - which I didn't - I was too tired to put in the work for a good costume, and I wouldn't do a lame one. And the idea of going out and doing what we liked doing, was just- *Dance? They wanted me to go to the last one... wait, wasn't Debbie doing one Saturday? I get paid if I DJ, right-* "How come?" Ricky asked I sighed as I shifted mental gears and tried to think of a good excuse. "'Cause I'm not that well yet," I finally said. *Duh.* *** 15:38 28 Oct I'd somehow managed to convince Ricky that if he took Hangover out now, it would be warmer than if he did it later. Which was true, but I didn't think Ricky had been all that receptive to sense before now. *Well, people change...* Then I snorted. I'd picked a sweater PLUS a sweater vest, plus multiple skirts - figuring that since I could switch inner and outer ones almost randomly, I had a lot more combinations than during summer - because with only one layer of clothing and without the armor I looked painfully thin, almost fashionable. Plus it was damned cold outside. I'd had to add a belt of Rachel's to keep one of the skirts up, too. Definite change there. *Which reminds me...* *** 15:43 28 Oct "'Cause I didn't eat a lot when I was sick, and now I need to get back up." If I could've waited, I'd have cooked something meaty, but I didn't feel like waiting. I wasn't that hungry, but I needed to start eating like Mike. "Get what back up?" "My weight. 'M too thin right now." He looked at me quizzically. "I thought girls always wanted to weigh less?" he asked, like he wasn't sure that's what he'd thought. "Oh, most of 'em," I agreed. Actually as far as I could tell it was all of them, and the average was something like 300% because they rarely stopped at worrying about their own weight, they had to track other girls' weights too. And girls complained that boys were stupidly competitive. "So how come-" I knew he was gonna ask that. "'Cause weight is also influenced by bone, and muscle, and I LIKE those. Someone with strong bones and muscles'll weigh more. Weight's actually kind of stupid to track; if you want to look thin, you want to look at your clothing size, not how many, uh, pounds you weigh." I'd almost said 'how many kilos you mass', but that would have been overly geeky AND led to a physics lesson I wasn't in the mood for. *** 16:05 28 Oct Looking at Stella gave me an idea. "Ricky, how much yelling and screaming can you put up with before you go crazy?" "Why?!" That, I realized too late, was probably the wrong way to phrase that question. "Um. You're keeping Hangover, right?" "What?" "The dog." I couldn't remember the actual name, but he LOOKED like a hangover. "YES!" he shrieked, making Stella complain and look around. "Shush! Look, you don't want her scared of the dog, right?" He made a face and said, "I dunno." But not loudly. "Trust me, you don't. If she screams every time she sees him..." He got that one, I could see it in his face. "Right. And if you have to keep the two away from each other ALL the time, that's a pain, right?" "Yeah..." like he wasn't sure where I was going but was getting suspicious. Well, he wasn't GETTING suspicious, he was already there. "So... it would be best if she wasn't scared of the dog, right?" "I guess," he was forced to admit. "So... if we can work on her, so she's not afraid of the dog, or not so afraid she starts screaming, then... that's better, right?" *** 16:18 28 Oct Luckily Miz Parker had masking tape, and twice lucky that Ricky knew where it was. I didn't ask him why he knew this; there were at least two legitimate reasons I could think of that a small boy would need to know where the tape was and how much was left on the roll. It would be un-American to ASSUME he was committing, or had committed or was plotting to commit, evil with the tape. I just made sure _I_ knew how much was on the roll. *** 16:47 28 Oct I hadn't heard Miz Parker pull in, of course, but that's why I'd set up so I could see the door. I waved at her as she came in. Then she stopped and demanded, "What are you DOING?" "Desensitizing Stella to the presence of the dog," I answered. She almost said something before I could report, "And it's working, some." "How much?" she frowned. "She can handle the dog about twelve feet away from her as long as it doesn't howl." And when Hangover howled, the very heavens shuddered, along with everyone's skin and anything with a crystal structure, so I couldn't really blame Stella for getting upset. "Not bad for one day." Her face went a couple different ways. "Supper will be ready at the usual time, I have to leave about seven thirty to pick someone up from work... How was the salad last night?" I asked. "Huh? Oh, the- It was good," she said, looking confused. "What's that on the floor?" "Wh-" I HAD to look to make sure it wasn't some byproduct of Hangover's metabolism. "The tape? It's masking tape; I put it down so we could measure how close we could bring the dog. It's marked off so we can measure progress." "On the floor?" she asked skeptically. I guessed what she was worried about. "I checked," pointing at the laptop, "and to remove any remaining adhesive, try vinegar first, then acetone. Nail polish remover," I added, since she wasn't a hard science or hobby-mechanic type. *** 17:04 28 Oct "Carrots?" "No!" "Brains?" "No!" "Peas?" "No!" "Beets?" "No!" "Ugh," Ricky added. I said, "I like beets. You're just not cooking 'em right. Apple pie?" "No!" "Cherry pie?" "No!" "Spinach?" "No!" "Poison ivy?" "No!" "That's the wrong kind of thing," Ricky commented. "Oh, yeah. Uh... Want some gold?" "No!" "Dollar bills?" "No!" "Valerie!" said someone who wasn't Stella, which startled me and Ricky slightly. "What are you doing?" "Asking Stella what she wants- No, that's not true," I admitted sheepishly. "I'm pretending I'm asking Stella what she wants to eat. I'm sort of torturing her, 'cause I know she'll say no to anything I ask her about. Right Stella?" "No!" Stella shrieked happily. "Isn't it true?" "No!" "Are you a genius?" I smiled at Stella. She told me with every sign of immense happiness, "No!" I shrugged at Miz Parker. "Makes me feel all superior to her when she does that." Miz Parker's face went in weird directions again as Stella added, "No!" "Hey Stella," Ricky asked slyly, "want to eat some crayons?" "No!" They both laughed. "If I had a videotape recorder, I'd get some footage of this," I grinned at Miz Parker. "Luckily, my parents couldn't afford one when I was like this." I turned back to Stella. "You, uh, you don't mind us showing a tape of this to your boyfriends in ten or twelve years, right, Stella?" "Nooooo!" she screamed in ecstasy, and thrashed so hard I thought she was going to tip her high chair over. A prompt foot on one of the lower bars stopped that before it got dangerous, though. "Valerie," Miz Parker sighed, like she wanted to gig me for something but couldn't quite find anything. "Mommmm! It's funny!" Ricky defended. "It's not really hurting her!" "Isn't it funny, Stella?" I asked. *** 17:06 28 Oct "Peas or carrots?" Miz Parker asked Stella. Stella got all confused. "No," she said hesitantly. Ricky and I looked at each other, commiserating. Miz Parker had broken our toy... "Hey Valerie," Ricky asked, "did- you wanted to go bowling, right?" I screwed up my face and voice and squealed, "NO!" and then we fell about laughing for a while. It was stupid, and stupidly funny. *** 17:20 28 Oct Miz Parker had removed Stella from our bad influences, so it was Ricky and me in the kitchen, along with Hangover, who was moping about. I still had homework to do, so I was chugging along on that most of the time, when the dog caught my eye. "Uh, Ricky? Your dog wants to go out- and go to the bathroom," I de-euphemized. Never give a child an escape that way, especially with anything dealing with biological waste or cleaning. My sister had inadvertently taught me that one. "What?" "See?" I pointed towards the door. Hangover looked back at both of us like he was a POW on the verge of release and maybe too weak to make it outside. Which I didn't believe. "He's wanting to go." Hangover gave a low moan, like he was about to die - horribly, agonizingly, and maybe messily - if someone didn't take him outside instantly, or sooner. *** 18:02 28 Oct Hangover looked at me, over his food dish, like he was taking my medicine. 'My god, you can't expect me to eat... THIS, can you? Oh, the horror, the horror...' and so on. He had an expressive face, though most of his expressions tended toward the Lovecraftian. "Trust me, you got the better deal," I told him, and started ingesting the pills and potions. "Go go go go go go!" Ricky chanted, like I needed encouragement. *Shut UP you little dork!* I thought hard at him, but it didn't get through. *** 19:02 28 Oct I called Mike at home, from 'my' phone in the Parkers' kitchen. Every cent I didn't spend on a cellphone call was one cent I could put into a strong bag and beat someone with... I contemplated this concept as the phone rang. "Tuck?" "Hey Mike," I said tiredly. "I know I have to pick up Jill soon. But where IS she? I mean, where's she work?" I said rapidly before he could tell me 'She's at WORK stupid'. "I have directions, because I figured this out after you called, haha," he said, not quite sounding as superior as he usually managed. "Mike? You okay?" He sighed. "Not- Well... Kim breaking up with me really has me f'ed up, but- and I'm teaching self-defense, that's hard." "With the Knights?" "Yeah... So, I mean, I guess it's just physical tired but no injury or illness, and... I'll get over Kim, I guess, it just..." After a silence, I asked, "Want to come over or something when I get home?" He sighed again, apparently thinking about it. "No... just get, I mean, I'm gonna try and get some sleep tonight, go to bed early." "Okay..." Pause. "Uh, and I still need directions for Jill's work," I remembered. *** 20:06 28 Oct Hanging out in front of Blockbuster Video seemed like one of the dumber things to do with one's life - even broadcast television might be better - but apparently some people thought it was worth doing, even in the near-freezing cold we had at the moment. I restrained my impulse to call them all losers and grenade them, mostly because I had no grenades, and tried to be inconspicuous. Jill finally came out, carrying a backpack; she looked around, and waved at me as she started towards my car. "Jeez, finally..." She finally made it over, and I belatedly leaned over, which hurt, and unlocked the door. "Hey," she said, sounding a little tired, but smiling. "Hey," I said back. "You look all girly," she mentioned. "What?" I had a panic that I'd forgotten to change, and looked down to check just as I remembered being at Rachel's half an hour ago, and looked up again as Jill laughed. "Caught you!" she crowed. "Besides, why would you be doing that anyway?" "Babysitting," I said before I started the car. "You're babysitting? Oh, right," she agreed before I could argue with her. "How's that going?" "It... It sucks, actually," I sighed, as I checked the rearview and started backing up. "Kind of. Miz Parker's sister Cindy, works in ICU; she saw me when I was in there, and connected the dots, an-" "Ohhh, fuck," she said. "Was she pissed?" "That's a good word." I shifted into first and started trying to wiggle my way out of the parking lot. "I didn't actually talk to HER, she talked to her sister, Miz Parker, an-" "Hey, would you mind if... I mean, this is kind of an imposition, I know, but could we go somewhere and talk?" "Why?" "I don't really want to go home," she said as she looked out the windshield. "Oh. Uh. My place?" I checked my watch. "Sabrina'll be there... Mike said he's going to bed early, so-" "How's he doing?" "Dunno. Okay, sort of... as well as can be expected, I guess. He's kinda torn up, but he... We talked last night," I said as I pulled up to the parking lot exit and started scanning for an open slot in the traffic flow. He'd given permission to tell people about it; he'd said there wasn't a point in keeping it secret anyway. "What's up with Kim?" Jill shook her head. "Man, I do NOT fucking know. She's being a bitch, I know that... I mean, I was PAYING her- Oh, right," she interrupted herself and dug in her jeans pocket. "Huh?" "Buck for a ride," she said like that was obvious. "Jill!" She looked at me. "You don't need to do that." "No..." She looked a little upset. "I mean, I don't know if she's going to give me a ride any time soon, and this is the deal I had with her." "Oh. Still, no." I pushed her hand back. "Keep it, this time... but if I say I don't want to talk about something we don't talk about it." "You sure?" "I'm sure!" It was worth at least a buck to have a friend who wouldn't insist on talking about certain subjects for a while. Mike was kind of out of action at the moment... and wasn't that good at shutting the hell up when I told him to, either. "Can... can you do this the rest of the week?" "Sure. So what's up with Kim?" "Watch the road," she grinned, and I snorted but went back to- "Ooohrah," I said as I accelerated into a gap before it evaporated. "So what's up with Kim?" "Jeez, fuckifino. I think Kelly coming out fucked her head up somehow." "What?" "Like... I dunno. Remember that bookstore we went to a few times, that Kim wanted something from?" "Wh- Oh, yeah? Just because she-" "Yeah, but, I think she was sort of thinking about it before Kelly came out, and..." "And you think this sort of, uh, like, precipitated it?" "Yeah. Maybe? I mean it could have... that'd explain it." "But she didn't TELL you this-" "No, she hasn't told ME shit. And she's really upset whenever I talk to her, like I'm bugging her - like, in class? If I ask her something like can I have some paper it's like a major imposition and emotional trauma - so I've just been leaving her alone. She knows where I am, my phone number, stuff like that..." "She called me and left a voicemail," I remembered. "What'd she say?" "Uh..." *** 20:35 28 Oct "Hey," Sabrina said as she waved at both of us. "Hey." "Hi." "Kid!" Dad mentioned happily. "Man, I wasn't even THERE!" Everyone chuckled a bit. "Jill didn't want to go home right away, so..." "You going to school tomorrow?" Dad asked. "Yeah? So I'd better keep it short," I realized. Jill nodded like she agreed with that. "You want to go home?" I asked her, confused. "Well, in a bit," she said. *What-EVER.* "How're you doing?" she asked Sabrina. "With the math." "It's hard, but I'm getting it," she said with a tired smile. Dad nodded where Sabrina couldn't see it; he looked vaguely smug, which meant she was getting it. "Hey cool," I said, smiling back. "And you didn't even have to give up your fashion sense to do it." She chuckled. "Well, half an hour... you want me to run Jill home?" "Uh..." I had no idea. I looked at Jill, who looked at me, then at Sabrina, and then Jill said, "Yeah, thanks..." "And then, Tuck can get some more sleep," Sabrina agreed, smiling at me. I wondered if there had really been a hesitation there or not. *** 20:40 28 Oct "You sure you don't want any?" I asked. "Nah," Jill said like she was sure. "I packed a- well, it's not LUNCH, but I had something to eat at work." "Well, okay," I said, feeling a little guilty because I wasn't being a good host. She had accepted a soda, but that was it. "Did you want me to listen to that voicemail? That Kim left?" "Oh yeah." I put the plate down, then changed my mind and carried it with me over to the desk. The charger reminded me to put the cellphone in it, and touching the pouch reminded me to lay out all my drugs so I could take them. Which, I realized, I was late for. "Aw, damnit." *** 20:43 28 Oct "That was kind of odd," Jill remarked. "It's NASTY! What do you-" "The voicemail, stupid!" she snapped. "Sorry," we apologized at the same time, and she grinned at me for a moment. As I smiled back, she said, "I think she was really upset when she called." "Yeah, I kinda got THAT..." She thought. "Like she still wants to be friends with you? Even though she broke up with your best friend? And what was that about she said she talked to you?" "Uh..." I remembered, and shook my head. "Can't talk about it without permission." I could, however, eat; and it WAS ginger beef. I couldn't believe Jill was just sitting there ignoring it; but that meant I didn't have to share mine, or stop eating it to get her some. Jill frowned at me for a little, then gave it up. "You don't talk about much." "What, about... things people tell me? No. I hate it when other people do it with me, I mean about me, my stuff, you know? So I don't do it to other people." "What about with Mike? Do you tell him stuff?" I guessed where this was going. "Not as often as you think, I bet. Like most of the sleepovers- before the last one, last two I mean. I didn't- I mean, he knew I was AT 'em, but I didn't tell him most of what everyone talked about. Nobody gave me permission to, and it wasn't something he needed to know." "So, like, Debbie and Lisa..." "I'm sure I don't know a thing about it," I grinned, and had some more beef. "You fuck," she said casually before she laughed. *** 21:06 28 Oct "Hey," Sabrina said from the door. "'Sup?" "You talked to Kim?" Jill asked. "Re-" "Hey, I don't KNOW what's going on with HER," Sabrina asserted earnestly as she took a step back and put her hands up to fend off any thoughts we might have that she might know something. I said, "Well..." Jill finished, "Shit." *** 21:17 28 Oct "Well, you won last year," Sabrina grinned. "It was second place, and I'm not really gonna do that again," I sighed. "Damnit," I shuddered at memory. "What?" Jill asked. Both of them looked concerned. I took a breath. "Sitting in the closet in the girls' locker room wearing a cheerleader outfit and trying not to have an active asthma attack and knowing that if I get caught I'm going to get beaten to death." They'd tried; if Mike hadn't come in when he did... "Oh, shit-" "Tuck I'm sorry," Sabrina said, sounding sorry. "I didn't mean-" I waved it off. "S'okay. I'll be dealing with it in little pieces every so often. Dad told me about post-combat trauma, so..." I shrugged. "I kinda know what to expect. S'not a big deal." They looked at me and then at each other. "So what are YOU doing for costumes?" I asked. "Not like I'm changing the subject or anything." Haha. Jill grinned. "You know what you and, like, Rachel? Did to me a couple of times, that gothic look? I was thinking about that, going like a gothic vampire type." "Like your character?" "Yeah but a better dresser," she smirked. "What are you doing?" she asked Sabrina. "I really DON'T know..." *** 21:41 28 Oct We'd hung out and yakked until nine thirty, when Sabrina said she HAD to take Jill home or face dire consequences. Leaving took a few more minutes, and then they gave me a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek and then they were gone. And I suddenly felt like shit. Which is why I was asking, "Dad?" The bastard didn't even look up as he said, "You want to stay home an extra day and rest more." "No, I just wanted to tell you I love you." THAT got his attention totally off the computers and onto me, AND put his eyebrows up into his hair. "Zing," I grinned. His eyebrows retracted to normal. "Can I stay home an extra day and rest some more?" "No." *WHAT?!* "Wh-" "Zing," he said, stone-faced. "I utterly hate and detest you." "Well, in that case, I think you can stay home an extra day. Thursday?" Meaning, 'Do we plan for re-entry Thursday morning?' "Yeah," I said, sighing. "I THINK I can get caught up on the homework..." "You wouldn't have so much catching up to do if you'd stop chatting those girls up all the time," he said, but even he couldn't keep a straight face on that one. "You should be so lucky," I smirked at him, and left. *** 22:06 28 Oct "Nyugh," I grimaced, my eyes watering. *** 22:09 28 Oct If my O2 sat was 96 or above, I didn't have to wear the damned mask when I slept; and it looked like I was going to get lucky tonight. "Yahoo," I said, and got up to log it. The humidifier would stay on, which sucked, but not as much as wearing the mask or nose tubes did. I changed shirts, gently, and rubbed my side where the stitches had been. It hurt, but also itched, telling me it was healing up. "One more day..." I remembered that I had body armor to wear, which would help keep me from fucking it up while I slept, which would be a good thing. Come to think of it, sleep would be a good thing. *** 02:00 29 Oct "Bee-bee-beep!" *You are going in the trash can this morning,* I decided. *** 06:04 29 Oct I remembered that I might want to send Mike a message or something so he wouldn't worry when I wasn't at school today. So I emailed him, but I didn't want to call him yet in case I'd wake him up. But I didn't want to stay awake long enough to call him either... *** 06:16 29 Oct "Cron is my saviour," I said as I climbed back into bed, "I shall not want..." A one-shot cron job to dial Mike's home number at seven, when he was always up for school, and a recorded sound file, plus the necessary sound-card-to-phone-line interface, already set up so I could play sound files into the phone. Nothing like a recording of a 911 call to get rid of persistent prank callers. Not, however, the recording Mike would be getting; that was why I had a microphone attached to the sound card. *** 08:00 29 Oct "Bee-bee-beep!" *You are going in the trash,* I thought. "Bee-bee-beep!" As I started to move, something twitched in the bed that wasn't me. I had a panic, but the barest flash of orange and white fur told me that Brian's stupid cat was the problem. "Bee-bee-beep!" "Goddamnit," I panted. "You fuckers are conspiring against me." *** 10:06 29 Oct Aside from the nasty mouth, I felt almost human. Which was a shame; I'd rather feel superhuman. *Wash teeth, wash body and hair... stretch. Stretch before shower. Homework. Eat.* Eating was a good idea; I was hungry. *Gas for the car; remember to stick the pay envelope in my purse...* I didn't have my purse. *Into the med bag. DJ thing for Debbie; did I tell her or anyone that I'd take it? Damnit.* I couldn't remember doing that. *Call Mike and et cetera on that. Do I have chores or am I still exempt?* I hadn't had clean laundry in a while, that I remembered. Then I remembered my door was no longer secure, and anyone could be putting it away, without bothering to tell me. *I gotta get that fixed... gotta get permission to fix it. Damnit!* I hated it when my life was bigger than my stack. *** 10:13 29 Oct "... Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow fifty damnit!" I gasped as I relaxed. "Ow!" *That ought to count for extra,* I thought, then dismissed it as unworthy. *** 10:40 29 Oct *So what should I do for a costume?* I had no idea. I had no inspiration, and I had basically no time and no money. *Mike might think of something... I don't even know what he's doing this year.* I picked at my rice, but it didn't give me any ideas. *Wait, I decided this already...* *** 14:02 29 Oct It wasn't nearly as cold as yesterday, thankfully. I hadn't had time to unpack my winter stuff yet. Or the energy, today. I just hoped it would stay warm until the weekend. *Maybe I could bribe Brian to do mine... Damnit!* I had no money. Or, more accurately, I had to save as much as possible to pay the fines I had, so I wouldn't start getting interest fees. But 'no money' was a good first answer, in case someone asked. *** 15:36 29 Oct "WHAT is THAT?" Ricky asked when I pulled it out of the trunk. "It's a wok, kind of a Chinese skillet." It was the old one, not Mom's current electric Teflon-coated one either; I liked my skin where it was. But the Parkers had a gas stove, like decent civilized beings. "I had an idea for supper tonight." It might even work. "Chinese food?" "Sure, why not?" *** 15:41 29 Oct "Ricky seemed like, I mean, he seemed skeptical, so he said I should call and ask you if it was a good idea," I told Miz Parker, settling Stella on my lap. "Like what?" she asked me. "Um. Rice," which I THOUGHT I remembered how to cook properly in a pot; the Parkers did not have a rice steamer. "Then, um, beef, probably broccoli and mushrooms and a couple of things, all stir-fried to- that's not deep fried, that-" "I know what stir fried is," she interrupted, sounding a little annoyed. "Okay, so that... Uh, heck, I was really just gonna kind of improvise from there. Anything you guys really like? Or hate?" "No!" Stella contributed from my lap as she tried to grab the phone away from me. "Stella, don't- Ow, that's my ear-" "No!" She stepped on my knee in some occult fashion that hurt a lot and elbowed me in the side - luckily not the broken side - and went for the phone with both hands. "Ye- Can I call you back?" I said desperately in the direction of the phone. "Uhh!" I added as Stella kicked me HARD in the abs. I thought she agreed, so I hung up and went to go deal with Stella in some fashion. *** 15:44 29 Oct "Yeah, she's all trapped in the car seat, and not happy about it." You could, or I could anyway, still hear her screaming and cursing in Baby from the front room where I'd placed her on the floor. Ricky was watching her, so I was watching Huggles or whatever his name was. "So is the Chinese style supper okay?" "Yeah... just don't get too..." "Innovative?" *Interesting,* I thought sourly. Mister Parker had no sense of culinary adventure. "Innovative," she repeated, sounding like she was smiling. "'Kay, no problem." Short pause. "Well, okay, let me go get Stella then." *** 16:02 29 Oct "Man, I dunno..." "What's wrong with it?!" I'd made him take Huggles or whatever the stupid dog's name was out for a 'walk' before I let him change into his costume, which was a good thing I thought. Some years, Brian had nearly required sedation to get him separated from his costume. I had ninja proclivities year-round, so it wasn't much of a switch for me. Besides, ninjas had gotten boring after a few years... and about that time, I started realizing I didn't want to get identified with something like the same costume. "I dunno, it's... I mean, I think we can make it better," I said instead. It probably hadn't been him that came up with this costume, after all. *** "... and start school again when I get tired of living." - the SO Distribution: No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. And no fee may be charged. Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access. All rights reserved. + @>--,--'----- Ellen Hayes o===[-------- __ vicki .sig + -=[1990]=- \/ virus 12.2 + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) + -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2 iQCVAwUBRVbpLHYDebnvyV1VAQFvzwP/YiU5Zun3gqHyHZaN6Xe5Zz1hSJx2iZWt Lp2q7gCmWFnfXECft0q8qgFaU2r/x5mPbZZpQHjst/OAaPN8tdkeJc2cMXq0Up0T 7vmMaZlWBK7Hlyb80luBdLd/OfayBeHUGNAtowzjNwd5TGHeWVQ2hXpvhnlw0rsl 2mNX0j1dFKE= =yVyX -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----